Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Creative Energy Zapped

I've never felt quite this excited to start a new season of creating before. I am coming off of the high from a super-fun and successful Christmas season, both on Etsy and with a local craft show, and my Valentine's Day Lovelies where a smash as well. I know that I am on a roll and I have so much fun with it as well. This season... Spring & Easter... well, it's "My Thing".  I've always been IN LOVE with the pastels, baby animals and all of the Easter sugary goodness. Anyone who knows me, KNOWS that I go BAT SHIT CRAZY for a bird's nests. Spring is ME! It inspires me like no other season. There is never a Spring Day that I am not in awe of the magic that nature provides at this time of year.

I found amazing little stainless steel ice cream bowls that will house
a nest and egg perfectly. I am thinking vintage lace, book pages
and mother of pearl buttons.

Pretty pastel paper, pink tulle and fuzzy little bunny feet!

Another little nest with eggs that need painted a bit to match the
aqua tulle. Should I put them in a cone or on top of a candy box?

Fuzzy baby animals like this duck, lambs and bunnies are filling
up the ideas in my head. Pastel sugary sweetness with paper
flowers, miniature baskets and papered boxes.

Here it is! A card table set up in our dining room displaying all of the
adorableness so that it is easily accessible when my creative frenzy ensues.

 So what's the problem? Why am I not showing you sneak peek pictures of bird's nest vignettes, Easter candy boxes adorned with fuzzy animal babies and cones fluffed with tulle and birds? Why am I only "talking the talk"? I only wish I knew the answers. I wish I knew why I can't clear my head and work space and fill it with the ACTION of my creative ideas. Sadly, I am lost in this...

This is immediately to the left of my arm... ecigs, Valentine's Day
candy and nagging phones. NO FUN! :(
And this is my work space. Slightly organized, could be cleared
in a matter of minutes if I could find it in me. Begging to be put
to use. Heavy sigh..............

And this is my mom. The cute one in the middle. Ha Ha Ha This
picture was taken the night before her wedding to my dad. Notice
her beautiful smile, long gorgeous hands and fingers and the ash tray
and cigarette she is holding?

My mother was recently diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. She's refusing treatment. I just spent two fabulously sad, healing, wonderful, emotional, fun and draining weeks in sunny Florida at my mom's side. I've been home for two weeks now. I should be back to business, right?  The fog should've lifted by now but it hasn't. I am nowhere near being "myself". I am not particularly sad. I can see tons of greatness and happiness in my life. I am filled with a gratefulness that feels real and thick with authenticity. My heart pitter-pats when I see and hear and interact with my sons; their goofy little smiles and quirky characteristics. My eyes soften when my husband smiles at me and tells me I'm beautiful. My heart sings when I feel his arms around me. I genuinely had to hold my urine in when I was with my fabulously neurotic friend and we spotted the creepy dolls at the indoor flea market as I was teasing her about haunted items and laughing so hard my eyes watered. So, I am alive. I am feeling. I am not numb to all that is around me.

Okay... never published the above. Didn't feel like it was ready so it's now ALMOST A MONTH LATER...

My Mom is dying. My mother is passing away. Hhhmmm... no matter how I type it, it just doesn't sound right. My brain and heart can't comprehend it. They say she's "declining" and use words like "any time" and "irregular heartbeat". I am headed back down. I will be at her side. I will be there for my dad, my aunt (my mom's identical twin sister) and my brother and his wife and children. I will be there.

BTW... Easter goodies are in the shop. I am quite proud of what I accomplished. They are beautiful and fun. Each piece has a little bit of my mom and I in it. I hope that my love shines through in each of them. I hope that when the recipient holds their "junque" for the first time, they marvel at the detail and smile. It truly was my therapy to work the last month. It kept me grounded and sane.