Tonight is that special night! It rolls around every Fall when the nights grow cooler and darker earlier, the night that I look forward to all summer when our lives have grown unstructured and chaotic. Premiere night on TV!!! I love the evenings when The Big Guy and I can snuggle on the couch or curl up in our bed together. Yeah, sure, we should probably be reading a book, reviewing work or maybe even making love. But we are too stressed and exhausted to think... numb from the motions and emotions of the day. During the Fall/Winter months, when the shows are back in full swing, we can escape... easily and cheaply, just the two of us. We can giggle and laugh and have something to talk about that doesn't involve a schedule conflict, a Mobile Therapist, homework, or the latest outburst. Our family plays by different rules. The natural ebb and flow of daily biorhythms don't pertain to us. We live life on the edge, a constant state of awareness and heightened alert. We try to predict moments several minutes before they come or we and them will suffer. And tonight... the night I was so looking forward to will not happen. The Big Guy and I will not get under our big comforter and I will not lay in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest and feel his leg against mine. We won't laugh together tonight. We slacked and didn't stay on top of things and the evening got away and so the tantrums are full swing. Homework was hidden to avoid it. Discovered too late in the evening for a pleasant experience. It's not dyslexia. It's Aspergers. 7th grade math might as well be written in Chinese. He can't plow through 25 problems without a fit. It's too much. Mental note... IEP Review... see if we/they/he can shorten assignments. Hopefully I will remember...
No rest for the weary...
Heavy sigh...
Maybe tomorrow. Thank God for the DVR.
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